Help Gayle Farmer Help Kids!!
In real life I spend my time as a fundraiser for
not-for-profit organizations, primarily those focused on children and animals
and which have foreign operations. What
this means is that I spend a significant part of most days crafting emotional
dun letters that are sent by the tens of thousands to little old ladies on fixed
incomes. My job is to convince them
that sending a check to me will bring special meaning to their life, even if it
also means they will have to survive the winter on Purina Cat Chow.
Dear Ethel Wilmont:
I know you are a busy person. I also know that well-meaning organizations are constantly
appealing to you for help. This is
because they know of the deep and abiding love you have in your heart for the
beautiful creatures with which we share our planet. Naturally, you have had to get good at saying “no” when
you open the many letters that fill your mailbox.
But please, don’t put this letter aside!
If I can’t appeal to you in times of desperate need, who can I turn to?
You are the animals’ only hope. Without
your generous support, millions of innocent cows and chickens will die cruel,
excruciatingly painful deaths. They
will whimper and cry, moo and chirp, and bleed all over the place.
It will be frickin’ awful.
YOU are the only person who stands between the little
animals -- many of them just furry babies -- and the dastardly killers in black
hoods with knives and guns who want to slaughter them and turn them into burgers
and nuggets. YOU are my only hope
to save them. So please, PLEASE,
send me all of your money, today!
So, I took it in stride the other day when, POOF!, a fundraising appeal appeared on my computer screen. It was from Gayle Farmer. Gayle lives way down a dirt road somewhere in Kansas. He’s the good old boy in the bib overalls who plants, cultivates and harvests the tornados that attack the American hinterlands each spring.
No, I only jest. Gayle
is the Media and Communications Manager for the Professional Darts Council (PDC).
She not only does a tremendous job for the PDC and the sport of darts;
she’s determined to help make the world a better place for kids.
Gayle got me an interview with Phil Taylor at the 2002 Las
Vegas Desert Classic. Back then
Taylor was the Champion of the World. Not
any more! Ha. Ha. “Cheers”
to John Part!
Anyway, I owe Gayle a favor. But that’s NOT why I immediately responded to her message
by sending a donation. That’s not
why I decided to appeal on her behalf, via the words you’re reading at this
very moment, to everybody who follows the drivel I publish in Dartoid’s World.
All six of you.
I am writing this because what Gayle is doing is a good
thing. When darts people do good
things for others it’s only right that other darts people should lend a hand.
Dear Other Darts People:
I know you are busy.
I also know that well-meaning organizations are constantly appealing to
you for help. Well, screw ‘em!
I know someone who REALLY deserves your help.
Her name is Gayle Farmer. Gayle
is in training to run the London Marathon in order to raise funds for a superb
charity called Childline. In
Gayle’s words, and I paraphrase, “… to assist distressed, abused and needy
children … I have been inspired to run 26.2 painful, agonizing and hideous
miles ‘round the streets of London.”
Believe me, Gayle is right. London IS a bloody hideous place. I’ve read the Harry Potter series and I know.
Blimey, there are witches and wizards all over the joint.
They’re castin’ spells and mixin’ potions and turning common
everyday blokes into giant cucumber sandwiches.
I’ve checked out Childline and they are an upstanding
charity. They exist to achieve a
simple mission: to ensure that “no child shall have to suffer abuse, be
terrified to go to school, or live in fear.”
They operate a special toll-free hotline that kids can call to receive
counseling. Each year tens of
thousands of children receive assistance.
I’ve also checked out Childline’s 2002 audited
financial statement and can assure you that the vast majority of the funds they
raise go for the intended purpose. Childline’s
administrative, fundraising and marketing costs are lower than many well-known
U.S. based charities.
Helping Gayle help kids is easy...
All you have to do is go to www.justgiving.com/runninggayle,
and click on the “donation” tab next to the EXTREMELY PROVOCATIVE photograph
at the top of the page. It’s a
little blurry but I think it’s a shot of Tommy Cox.
Please, donate now!
Oh, one last thing. While
I still have to work out the details with Gayle, I am pretty sure I can arrange
for a very special token of appreciation for any darter who finds it in their
heart to contribute. I’m going to
suggest she send you a stack of coupons good for money-saving discounts on cat
From the Field,